Running - My Life Professor

Montezuma

The sayings go, “Patience is virtue” and “Good things come to those who wait”;  but how long should I wait for the good things to come?

I have trained hard. I have done long runs, tempo runs, rested but still I failed to get the results that I expected on my first marathon. I was full of confidence when the race started. I have a 50 mile race below my belt, I have run 20 miles and 16 miles back to back, and I ran two 20-milers in preparation, averaging more than 50 miles a week. I have put in the work, I deserved a good time in the marathon. Regardless of the training I have done, I struggled to finished my first marathon. I mean, it was suppose to be my first marathon but I made a wrong turn and ended up with 22.6 miles. I was disappointed. I was not really disappointed at ending up with 22.6 miles, but with how much I struggled to finish the 22.6miles.

They say hard work pays, but how come it did not pay on my first marathon?? Why?? Looking at the amount of work I have put, I deserved better results. I felt entitled to better results.

I started feeling like shit at mile 10, I kept telling myself that I have done more than 16 miles on training so I will be able to finish the race. Finishing the marathon was not on top of my goal list. Finishing with a good time was on top of the list but now I could tell that I was not going to be able to achieve the goal I have trained for. It was hard to accept that I was not going to get my sub 3 hour on my first marathon. I was pissed, I felt like quitting as the pace dropped. It dropped to my walking pace sometimes. I had to walk because I felt like puking every time I ran. I wanted to cry as I tried to get the best out of me and I could not reach it. It was hard and I started asking questions.

The biggest question I kept asking myself was, “Should I just give up because I was failing to achieve what I expected from the race or should I embrace failure and dance on till the end?” I decided to accept the fact that I failed to reach my personal goal and I danced until the finish line. Even though I knew that I was not going to get my sub 3hrs, it was worth each and every step to finish the race.  I have failed achieving goals before in my life but I still never get use to accepting it. Nevertheless, I continue to expose myself to failure hoping for better results. Sometimes I achieve my goals, but I have encountered failure more than the wins. The joy I have experienced on achieving my goals keeps me coming back.   

As my sister used to say, “experience is the best teacher”, for me, running has been my professor in this universe. I have learned to let go of the feeling of entitlement, but focus on where I went wrong and move forward from there. Failure is inevitable and it can cause us to stop chasing our dreams or doing what we love.  But failure is another way that the universe can teach us life lessons. I do not know how long or how many times I will fail as I continue the journey of achieving my dreams, but I know for sure that I will PUSH until I get there. In two weeks I have Cedro Peak, 45 mile race. I do not know how I will be feeling. But I know I can either approach it with the love of running or fear of failure. I await for another lesson.

Life is Bigger than Winning - Run!

In sports, including running, we have been taught to win. Winning is great, but the big question is, what do you do when you do not win or winning rarely comes? It took me 53 miles to get the answer.

I thought I was ready to win the race, even though I had never raced beyond 13.2 miles. I do not even remember the start of the race because I was too focused on counting the number of lights ahead of me. The leaders took off, I did the math and 5 runners were leading the race. My approach was the usual  Pasche style I learned from LCXC. Easy and relax style then gradually move up the field. This style has worked well for me in my previous races. So, I stayed with the second pack chilling, conversing and laughing. On mile 3 or 4 I was feeling too good so, I gradually started to move up the field. By mile 9, I was fourth. By mile 13 or 14 I was second and feeling great. I took out my mp3 player and blasted my playlist. I kept repeating a song titled Man on Fire  which made me dance like a little kid while chasing the leader. For about 15 to 20 minutes I was not thinking about winning but dancing to this song. I was all by myself until I started to meet the runners that were running the marathon. I was asking each and every one of them how far the leader was as I started to focus on winning the race. Some said he was 5 minutes ahead, some said he was two minutes ahead. They successfully confused me, but I just kept going, hoping to see this guy’s  blue shorts and white long sleeve shirt.  

Then I came across David, dressed as a Zombi. When I met David, I was focused on catching the leader. However, all he wanted was to take my picture and all I wanted was to know how far the leader was. I kept pestering him about the leader and he kept pestering me about pausing for the picture that he wanted to take. I did not get a fun jovial pic because I was taking the race too serious. The definition of fun was me catching the leader.  I ended up with a serious picture for a trail race because I was not focusing on the moment; my heart was counting minutes being lost, the gap getting bigger between me and the leader. He finally answered me, “he is about two minutes ahead.” I believed him, and the chase began again.

I continued to focus on catching the leader instead of how I was feeling. I stopped following the Pasche way and I paid the price for my mistake 9 miles to the finish.

As I continued to push my limits, I saw blue shorts, white long sleeve shirt and a white cap. YES!! I got him. I had read the book, “Eat and Run”, and the first thing that came to my mind when I saw him was sneaking up on him. I did not make noise, I literally sneaked up on Michael Bursum. I was about 400 meters away when I first saw him,  but I was approximately 50 meters away from him when he first saw me. We were at the turn around point together and he panicked a bit because he did not know who I was and where the hell I came from. We had a small conversation about catching each other and racing each other and boom he took off. When he took off I panicked too because I felt like my chances of winning the race were slipping away again. I grabbed my water bottles from the volunteers at the aid station and took off after him. I literally chased and caught him. Instead of passing him I decided to run with him.

For some odd reason, we decided to work together as a team. He looked strong; on the other hand I could feel that the chase was starting to take a toll on me. I was getting tired and my muscles were starting to cramp. I had forgotten about the iodine pills that Katrin gave me. We continued to run and exchanging the leadership role. I was really getting tired, but I did not want to slow him down, so I pushed. When he was leading, I would feel like he was dragging me uphill or downhill. When I was leading, I felt like he was pushing me. And then we approached  my biggest fear, the Mesa hill. It’s a wall!

As we reached the Mesa hills, he took the lead, and I thought of letting him go because my legs were cramping badly. However, I decided to stay with him. By this time, I could see that I was not going to win this race. But I was curious, how far I could push myself. “Take a risk, what’s the worse that can happen”,  the wise words of Hania Celina  kept popping in my head. As we shuffled and climbed the hill my legs were screaming,  “STOP!”. My lungs were tired; for the first time in my life I could feel that my lungs were exhausted. My whole body was weary but my heart, soul and mind wanted to continue.

At about midpoint of our climb, depression got me. I started cursing, like I was forced to run. The person that suffered the most from my cursing was Katrin Silva. She told me that the race is not that bad and I would finish it. I disliked her at that point. I remember saying, “fuck this, this is hard, why am I doing this, I should stop.” While at it, I noticed that we were on top of the hill. And before I knew it, I was on my ass on the ground with my legs all curled up.

As I sat on the ground, I looked up to Michael and I told him to continue without me. I said, “Michael, I am done. My legs are done, I can't do this." He did one of the most generous things  to me. He turned back and gave me his hand. I do not know why he did this, but it almost brought me into tears. I was moved by his gesture. He sacrificed his opportunity of running the course record to help me. This was the life changing moment for me. I grabbed his hand and limped for a coupled of meters. He reached for his pocket and gave me some iodine pill. I was quiet for a while because I just could not believe what I was experiencing.

We continued to run together and with about a mile left I told him that I do not think I can run faster, he can go on, I will be right behind him. I still have a clear visual images of him taking off. Watching him take off was like watching an eagle soaring above the storm. It was a breath taking sight. As he crossed the finish line I heard a voice, “I will kick your ass." These are my mentor Mudit’s words that he says to me jokingly. I smiled and I took off finishing 3 minutes behind Michael.

Life is not about competing with the people around you. Its about lifting each other up and sometimes that will mean sacrificing some of your time or slowing down so that someone can catch up. Collaboration is much better than Competing.

“Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu”